Talk:Dry Eye/@comment-25052433-20180618233005
Okay folks, guess I am first to score here. This review goes to Kolpic for his entry, Dry Eye. I am highly impressed. This story carries a very unique flavor (tone and concept) that I don't see very often. So let's get down to the scoring: USE OF SILENCE: (40) You took the topic of silence and wrote a story about someone who never shuts up. I loved the fact that you went in that direction with the plot; after all, a story about water can be based on a drought, since the lack of water still makes water the focus. However, I scored your story a 40 in this category. As I stated above, you were brilliant in how you used silence, but I feel like the idea of silence being the main theme of this story would likely be lost if the reader was not aware that this was entered into a silence themed contest. My takeaway from this story had I just found it on the Wiki with no attachment to the contest would have not been the same. Sure, the idea that Samantha needs to shut up would be obvious, but the cautionary tale element and the theme of silence would have been buried. I love the ambition that you applied here and I admire your unique method of using the theme, but in a structured competition where certain points have to be met, I feel that you may have ventured just to bit too far from the core. To clarify, I do believe you used the topic, it just didn’t come through in execution. Think of it like when you hear one of those “subliminal message on a backwards track” audios. If you listen to it just as it is, you know it’s a backwards track and you probably know which song it is. However, if it takes subtitles for the listener to “hear” the words, chances are those aren’t really words at all. ORIGINALITY: (90) Not too much to say here. I've never read anything quite like this, executed this way. The Verizon employees huddling up like cartoon characters plotting against their hapless victim, Samantha's opening lines being so direct and forward; it was a fun little ride for me through new territory. There were a few themes here that I am not quite sure the purpose. I noticed that red is used quite a few times and is clearly attempting to establish a theme, but truthfully I never arrived wherever it was supposed to lead me. This may be partially on my end, perhaps to someone else the purpose of the red is far more obvious. FEAR FACTOR: (80) While this story relied heavily on humor (which is something I enjoyed) it did contain some very well placed elements of horror. Instances such as the car in the parking lot circling back towards her after the kid makes the little “cut your throat” gesture was very creepy, but that isn’t where this story really excelled. For me the success comes from the very human suffering that we see Samantha endure. While she is not a classic protagonist and certainly doesn’t seem designed to pull sympathy from the reader, she isn’t exactly a villain either. She’s just an obnoxious person who doesn’t realize just how she impacts those around her. This could be a case of either nature or nurture, but her lack of spite towards those around her demonstrates that she isn’t intending to cause harm to others. Couple this with the fact that she is described as being 40 years old and living alone, it opens up enough room for the reader to speculate on the aspects of her life that we don’t see. Is she lonely? Does she have regrets about not starting a family? These avenues of analysis can form (to me at least) enough of a human picture to graduate her from “hapless victim” to “believable human,” and that is what creates what I consider the true horror element of this story. We have to watch. Simple as that. Her actions towards others might be a bit far-fetched but her reactions to the sudden hatred being spewed towards her from all angles of humanity are well written and realistic in nature. Watching her forcefully battle her very thoughts draws a very disturbing picture of emotional and psychological torture. Points were lost because a few of her actions towards the end seemed too contrived. Samantha is already presented as a strong willed person at the start, and her will remains so as she fights to avoid thinking bad thoughts. However, the writing falls a bit off track when she is dragged out to a crowded bar by her friends based on the whole “they just wouldn’t give up” reasoning, and the same can be applied for her getting on stage to sing. Sure, adults can fall victim to peer pressure too, but when said adult knows for a fact that some supernatural beings are out to get her and believes that going to a bar and singing are two methods that have high potential to summon said beings, I would have needed a much more structured plot device than “they wouldn’t take no for an answer” to convince me that she would voluntarily go out. SUMMARY: To conclude, I genuinely enjoyed the hell out of this story and consider to be one of the best I’ve read in a long time. I’m a sucker for happy endings and it’s always refreshing when a Creepypasta writer concludes a story on a high note. Considering that a common trope in Creepypasta is the “bad ending” or the “open ended finish,” sometimes the best we can hope for is just a neutral ending where at least someone gets to go on living. To write in a sincere positive ending though was refreshing and I am glad to see it. Great story! BANNING’S TOTAL SCORE: 210